It is the fourth of July, I tell you this in case your only means of learning the date is from me.
Today is the day where we celebrate our independence from the British by doing between zero and 3 of the following:
1) Fireworks: what better way to celebrate america, than by setting off chinese explosives in our yards, driveways and streets.
2) Picnic/barbecue: Coagulated meat tubes, dubious hamburger that has been sitting in the heat all day, the cheapest cuts of steak and chicken poorly cooked over chemical soaked bricks of carbon? YES PLEASE! Despite my sarcasm, this is the one thing I probably want to do most out of this list. Sadly I have no grill and have not been invited to any barbecues, but that's probably for the best, per reasons that will be mentioned below.
3) CAR SHOPPING: This is the day that all the car dealers pull out the fucking stops and go full force selling some vehicles. I don't know who decided that July 4th is a good day for car selling, but everybody latched onto the idea. You can barely turn on a TV or radio in the two weeks prior without being bombarded with an extreme saturation of dealership ads.
Don't get me wrong, the 4th can be a lot of fun, but it has become one of those holidays that, over the years, I have simply cared less and less about. This year I am going to spend the day at home with my sister, roommate and an intoxicant substance. I will not be answering my phone or responding to emails during this time to avoid potential problems.
Happy 4th of July, Rockets red glare and all that.
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