On horror

I've come to find, over the years, that the very best horror movies aren't, by necessity, the very best of movies. This doesn't mean that they don't need a decent script, actors, costumes, makeup, props, sets, location or a million other vital things. They need all of those things as much as any movie. But, by the very nature of what the filmmakers are creating, they can stretch very little much further.

Some examples:
The mask Michael Myers from Halloween wore, is a William Shatner mask with the eye holes enlarged, the eyebrows removed, the hair poofed and the whole thing spraypainted white.

The entire movie of Evil Dead, was filmed for $375,000.

Friday the 13th was made for $550,000.

These are not high budget films, even by the standards of the time they were made in. Horror movies in general, have always been a little tongue in cheek. And making horror somewhat funny is not without it's merits. Lightening them up a little allows us to take our fears and become friendly with them. It allows us to peer into the darkness inside man's mind and see the little clown waving back from the very depths. We see the world as we would like it, a place where unstoppable killers are defeated by a single person and the world is safe (at least until the next installment). The world becomes a place where the boogeyman can be taken out by a well placed machete blow and where all the annoying characters get taken out first.

However, a problem has arisen. Anybody with a digital video camera can go out and film a TERRIBLE ABOMINATION of a movie. Horror needs film, or at least a digital cam that can replicate the qualities of film. I don't want to watch some idiot smear corn syrup on their chest and have it look like a terrible family reunion video. I want some impact and the suspension of disbelief that is only possible with some kind of budget.

I will admit to liking some of these crop of horror movies. But the ones I like have something to set them apart: B,C or D-list celebrities; An excellent grasp of low budget makeup and effects; Snappy, clever writing that doesn't seem like it's being delivered by a total moron; or people with a real grasp of what their movie should be. Lack any one of those and the best you are going to get is some blonde rubbing corn syrup on her breasts and fake screaming.

You know what else I don't like? Torture movies. SAW (the first film) was an exception, because it was more psychologically driven than the others in the franchise. I'm more looking at movies like HOSTEL (1 and 2), the rest of the SAW series and movies like Turistas. I do not enjoy these kind of movies, I like a psycho with a clever kill, But the movies where they stretch out the suffering of the victims? Not a fan. Also, why are these peoples hideouts always really filthy? Like smeary black crap on everything, rust everywhere, flickery lights. From my admittedly small grasp of Psychopath psychology, these people tend to want to see everything they are doing, not have rivulets of crap all over it. But I digress, I just wish we could get less of these and more monsters (human and otherwise) stalking nubile youths until there inevitable deaths.

Please?

Thanks hollywood, I know you'll never read this.